The Great Decider

Oh yes I'm the great pretender (ooh ooh)
Pretending I'm doing well (ooh ooh)
My need is such I pretend too much
I'm lonely but no one can tell

April 30, 2006

Dear Friends,

The year is 1956. The #1 Billboard song is The Great Pretender. The producer, arranger and lyricist is Buck Ram. The vocal group is The Platters, one of the hottest acts of the 1950’s, and among the first doo-wop groups to make it to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame -- Only You, My Prayer, Twilight Time, Smoke Gets in Your Eyes, and a few more hits that sold fifty three million records.

If you’re not of a certain age, you may not be able to sing along. On the other hand, if you are of that age, you may not be able to sing along for very long, or very well.

Here’s the gold platter Platter’s verse:

Oh yes I'm the great pretender (ooh ooh)
Pretending I'm doing well (ooh ooh)
My need is such I pretend too much
I'm lonely but no one can tell

Oh yes I'm the great pretender (ooh ooh)
Adrift in a world of my own (ooh ooh)
I play the game but to my real shame
You've left me to dream all alone

Too real is this feeling of make believe
Too real when I feel what my heart can't conceal

Ooh Ooh yes I'm the great pretender (ooh ooh)
Just laughing and gay like a clown (ooh ooh)
I seem to be what I'm not (you see)
I'm wearing my heart like a crown
Pretending that you're still around

Yeah ooh hoo
Too real when I feel what my heart can't conceal

Oh yes I'm the great pretender
Just laughing and gay like a clown (ooh ooh)
I seem to be what I'm not you see
I'm wearing my heart like a crown
Pretending that you're
Pretending that you're still around

And here’s the verse that it, and the performance of the 43rd President of the United States, inspires:

Oh yes, I'm the Great Decider (ooh ooh)
Decided that Rummy must stay (ooh ooh)
Though Iraq’s a mess, Don’s a flaming success
In his own mind, if nowhere else.

Oh yes, I’m the Great Decider (ooh, ooh)
Keeping Karl in the office next door (ooh, ooh)
Boy Wonder is he, obediently
Assembling yes men who tell me I’m right

Oh yes, I’m the Great Decider (ooh, ooh)
Decided that Cheney must stay (ooh, ooh)
Though Brent and Dad think the man’s gone mad
I need him to shore up The Right

Oh yes, I’m the Great Decider (ooh, ooh)
Decided that Sosa must go (uh, oh!)
Er, deciding that Harken must drill (uh, oh!)
Er, deciding that . . .
Let’s move on

Oh yes, I’m the Great Decider (ooh, ooh)
Deciding that Harriet’s supreme (uh, oh)
My need is such, I decide too much
I'm themeless but no one can tell

Oh yes, I'm the Great Decider (ooh ooh)
Adrift in a world of my own (ooh, ooh)
I play the game, but ain’t it a shame
That the game’s much bigger than me

Oh yes, I'm the Great Decider (ooh ooh)
Droppin’ g’s and bein’ folksy to boot (ooh ooh)
I seem to be what I'm not, you see
I'm wearing my heart like a crown

Pretendin’ that I’m still profound (ooh, ooh)
Hopin’ that I’m still around (ooh, ooh)
Hearin’ that I’m not so sound (ooh, ooh)
Knowin that I’ve run aground (ooooooooh, oooooooooh)

Comments

[Dan Weston]

You might want to credit your Great Decider citation. According to http://www.lewrockwell.com/cummings/cummings55.html it was written by Richard Cummings, a contribution editor for The American Conservative.

[Bobby Sahlen]

Excellent parody...of course how can you parody a parody? I nearly died laughing when the Crawford Village Idiot dubbed himself "The Decider". My question is how long are the American people going to allow this moron to continue to ruin a great country?